…When Raaman came into my life (in July 2011) I was living a very comfortable life on the tropical island of Koh Phangan, in Thailand. At this point I had been practicing yoga (very seriously) for about three years, and was desperately searching for something meaningful on the spiritual path. I had come to a point, where I felt that yoga wasn’t doing it, my relationship with my boyfriend was not doing it, and I was getting lost and distracted in the beautiful illusion I had created for myself. I was starting to seriously consider retreating into a convent somewhere, as the only option I could think of really to go deeper and to move forward on my path. For a while I had been calling out into the universe for a teacher, a personal teacher, who can take me deeper, by the hand, if necessary. This is when Raaman appeared on Koh Phangan, right in the yoga community I had made my home in. After just some minutes of him chaneling teachings in the Satsang I attended, a voice spoke to me loud and clear inside of me saying “This is your teacher”. It was the first time in my life when I heard my inner voice, and there was no doubt in my mind. I knew my life had changed forever. All my desperate pleas and prayers had been heard and answered, and I was about to seriously start my spiritual path….
More than six years of intense work on myself followed since joining Raaman. During that time I have spent long intense periods in Raaman’s direct presence and also long periods by myself applying all that I have learned. With the constant support and guidance from Raaman, I finally had to (and was able to) face those wounds I had not wanted to know about and had been successfully suppressing from myself all my life. All the ideas I had of myself have been uprooted over and over again. My ego has been dismantled, destructed and destroyed, all my beliefs have been ripped out from their core with no mercy, and I have realized (with shock) that nothing I ever thought of myself was true. It has been a very deep journey into myself. Going through times when everything felt like falling apart, and times of intense bliss and Love. Neither of those times would I change for anything. I was brought back to life, finally started living and feeling again after being so numb to life for so long, and yet not knowing there was anything different.
I had so many ideas of what it means to be spiritual, and these all had to be broken and thrown out. Now I just find that it is something that is so simple, so natural, that there is hardly anything to say about it. It is just about getting closer and closer to oneself, dropping all masks and as a result becoming more and more or who I really am. The longer I am on this path, the less I feel there is to say about who I have become, because essentially I have not become anything, I have simply dropped more of who I was not in the first place anyway. What has happened is that I have grown in many qualities that I appreciate and value (and did not know I had), and as a result I am becoming a person I can love and respect increasingly more every day. I am growing in patience and compassion, developing in my integrity and honesty, learning to love myself, becoming more confident, relying on God more and more. I feel God is guiding my life, and I surrender more and more to it. I see how my life becomes ever more beautiful, ever more blessed, a life I could have never imagined existing. I am each day being surprised of the richness, fullness and gifts that God is giving.
Looking back on how I was before, where I came from, it feels nothing short of a miracle, how much I have changed in this short time and what is becoming of me. To be where I am today, took a lot of work. It took the never-ending patience and guidance of my teacher, Raaman, and his ongoing belief in me, that I can do it, and that it is worth taking me through this path. Many times when I was ready to give up, it was Raaman’s faith that kept me going. As I saw that Raaman is not giving up on me, I thought there must be some reason for that, some reason for me to keep going despite all the challenges (by my ego) along the way. It was Raaman’s work on me, his relentless guidance and correction, as well as his trust and faith in God for bringing me to him as a student and keeping with me, which carried me through when I couldn’t trust and believe in myself. I know none of this would have been possible without a teacher, without Raaman. What I did by myself is relatively small, though important part of where I am today. I worked as hard as I could, which many times was not so much. I did not give up though I many times felt like it. I cried a lot and prayed a lot, and the rest is simply the Grace of God. A manifold reward for the efforts I made, so I can be where I am today.
I feel fulfilled in my soul, and I finally feel like I have started on the mission I came on this planet for. The SACRED work, that is my path, is so deeply fulfilling for me, I cannot really call it work. I work on myself purifying myself continuously, calling on God each time, through it staying in connection with Him, with myself. And now I am able to pass this gift onto others too through SACRED sessions. Now in turn giving others this healing opportunity and helping them take the next step on their path towards God. It is the deepest fulfilment for my soul, being used as an instrument of God, and doing His work. Every day I am witnessing His miracles of healing, and having the honour and privilege to act as an instrument of bringing this to other souls on their path. I feel so fulfilled on every level of my being. I could not ask for anything more.
To finish off, here is a fruit of one of the previously hidden gifts that have opened for me on this path, a poem that came through me about a year ago …
Poetry of Existence
Life is: living, breathing, pulsing poetry in motion
Inspiration, creation, expansion
Life in its highest form
Joy of discovery, joy of life
Feeling myself as part of Creation
Every intricate piece of existence in its place
Breathing together as One
One living breathing organism
God’s creation in its perfection
The miracle of Being … and I am part of it!
A peace settles in me as I realize,
through the depth of my being,
That I too, am an intricate piece of creation
No more, no less important, than any other piece
I am a Miracle of Being,
a miracle of Life… unfolding,
as God intended
Divine perfection in its manifestation
God through me expressing itself anew in each moment
I have a place in this Universe
Living, breathing, pulsing as One,
Through every fibre of our Being
A peace settles, a joy in discovering
My part, as One
In the Poetry of Existence